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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you tell a joke to a dwarf? Because it will go right over his head"

"""I can't take this shit anymore."" --a clogged toilet"

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer"

"[walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire] it's alright guys i got this one. *whips out a flamethrower* TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-"

"Did you hear about the blonde woman who has three hours of footage of raw chicken on her iPhone? The cooking instructions said remove sleeve and film."

"People who criticize the year 2016 seem to have forgotten that back in May McDonald's accidentally gave me a Chicken McNugget with my fries."

"What's fun about having sex with twenty-one year olds? You know, there is twenty of them"

"A man was meeting a girlfriend somewhere... And she said: ""is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"" He replied: ""Either way, we're having sex tonight"""

"I hate what you've done with the place."

"Why did Hitler kill himself? He finally got the gas bill."