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Joke of the Day

"Sweetie, will you buy me a cellphone? **Her**: Sweetie, will you buy me a cellphone? **Him**: What about the other one? **Her**: The other one is buying me a tablet."

"What's the hardest part about being a Vegan who does Crossfit and owns a Rescue dog? Deciding which to tell people first."

"A man using Apple maps walks into a bar... Or maybe it was a hospital? Or possibly a church?"

"I am always excited during your birthdays because... You're one year closer to being dead."

"New sea world commercial brags that their whales live just as long as wild whales. Personally I'd want a shorter life if I lived in a bowl."

"My Life: Wake up, Survive, Sleep"

"Have you guys heard about that new broom that's sweeping the nation? I heard it literally leaves its competitors in the dust!"

"I've just sold some glass rockets to Kim Jong Un. I hope he's pleased with his new, clear weapons."

"Do you wanna play the rape game? ""no?"" Well that's the spirit!"

"An Angel came to Mary ""She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel. "" To which Mary replied, ""Yikes... I kinda already picked out Jesus"""