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Joke of the Day

"hey look at me nonchalantly tweeting in lowercase am i cool now guys please know that it took me 13 tries to get that lowercase ""i"" to stick"

"What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza? Skinning the vegan."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Some obscure number that you'll never understand."

"When talking with a woman in her 30s, it's super important to always pretend to be shocked when she tells you she's in her 30s."

"in Heaven you get back all the chapsticks you lost"

"What do lawyers and sperm have in common? 1 in 3 million have a chance of becoming a human being"

"What's Hitler's favorite video game? Mein Kraft"

"You can't trust atoms.. ..They make up everything."

"Who has the best website in the jungle? The Onlion King."

"What do you call a bear that's been in the rain? A drizzly bear, of course"