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Joke of the Day

"I really like non-sequiters But I prefer irony."

"Today there was a band-aid on my plate, a bat flew in the house, & a bee stung me. Today was brought to me by the letter B."

"Who says you can't make someone love you? I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ."

"The best blowjob I ever had was from a fat chick. Probably because she's used to putting things in her mouth."

"We didn't take a video recording of our child's birth but we have some awesome video of his conception."

"Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care"

"Whats the difference between two dicks and a joke? Your Mom can't take a joke."

"Why do they use liquid soap in the Navy? Takes longer to pick up."

"Why do scuba divers always jump backwards off the boat? If they jumped forwards, they would still be on the boat! Sorry."

"Your inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this gang apart."