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Joke of the Day

"How do you organise a bukkake? You don't, everyone just comes."

"I would rather read aloud the iTunes terms and conditions in Spanish than be at work today."

"Wife: how much did it cost to rent that bouncy castle? Me: I dunno. Buying it wasn't cheap tho"

"It's hard to explain a joke to a kleptomaniac... ...because he takes things literally"

"I had sex with my teacher yesterday... God damn it feels good to be homeschooled."

"Did you know that no Pokemon is born racist, they have to be taught that [whispers to Pikachu] grass types are lazy"

"Coining Money. George Washington: We should put ""We Trust In God"" on our money. Thomas Jefferson: Great idea! Did you get that? Yoda: Yep"

"[describing criminal to sketch artist] ""No, no his nose was a bit more avant-garde than that. His eyes suggested he'd lost a ladder."""

"""Oh great! Just great!"" --guy showing up to the beach with a bunch of sand"

"I typed 18 beers into my calorie counting app, and it uninstalled itself."