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Joke of the Day

"Why people use Twitter: because updating 100 times a day on Facebook is not socially acceptable."

"I always keep a hammer in my pocket in case someone asks me to help them fix something so I can immediately break my leg."

"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other."

"I had long suspected a rival robot lumberjack of stealing my wood So I checked its log files."

"She won't admit she's obsessed with Instagram... But her kids' names are Brannan, Kelvin, and Valencia."

"Despite whatever Gene Simmons says, Chuck Norris IS Doctor Love."

"Man walks into a doctor's office Doc: Sir, I'm afraid that you have a very serious case of... onomatopoeia Patient: Oh no! is tha- Doc: Yes... it's exactly what it sounds like"

"Instead of God, try worshipping a golf cart for a few years and see if it makes any difference."

"What do you call a boring banana? unaPEELING"

"I'm holding a latte and a scone while I break into this Audi so people think it's mine and I've locked my keys in it."