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Joke of the Day

"* 50 pushups * * 100 situps * * Runs 3 miles * My exercise program is really going great since I switched to all asterisk actions."

"The question is not what am I doing in your house, the question is why are you home from work early?"

"What do you call a Chinese conga line? A Chu Chu train"

"I saw a sign that said ""watch for kids""... Sounds like a fair trade."

"A blonde said to her friend while driving ""I got a compliment on my driving today,"" said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said ""parking fine""."

"Would you like to hear a Helen Keller joke? I'm sure she would, too."

"How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout ""Heroes in a half shell."" 3) When a girl yells back ""Turtle Power,"" marry her."

"what should you never say to a bossy person planning the funeral of a loved one ""who died and put you in charge?"""

"A man gets a quote tattooed on his dick. He goes home to his wife who says, ""stop trying to put words in my mouth!"""

"If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I'd compete in it later."