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Joke of the Day

"I can't be what you want. I'm too busy being what I want."

"Did you hear about the pecan orgy? It was fucking nuts."

"I was thinking about Billy Mays the other day... I decided he's in heaven partying like it's nineteen ninety-nine ^(plus shipping and handling.)"

"Why should you always carry a knife around? Because sharp wits won't always give you the edge."

"What's the key to finding love? Rohypnol"

"How Jesus was named: Mary: Joseph, I'm having a baby. Joseph: JESUS CHRIST!"

"Raise your hands... ...if you have ever had your arms torn off by a wookie."

"What do you call a teacher who's always late? Mr Bus"

"What's the difference between a bird and a fly? Birds can fly, but flies can't bird"

"Did you hear Jurassic World got shut down? Apparently they found a crisp rat in the kitchen!"