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Joke of the Day

"Kissing someone mid sentence is only cute in movies. I will press my hand against your face and slowly push it way until I'm done talking."

"Al Gore cried after having sex ... He released too many emissions."

"How to stop a small dog from humping your leg. Pick him up, and suck his dick!"

"""Taxi"" A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi."

"[to widow] Great wake. Tho it should be called a sleep, he's not moved in ages. I say he hasn't moved in ages. Call it a sleep. Ah cheer up."

"If you get nervous when the IT support desk takes control of your computer remember they're whispering ""no weirdos please"" to themselves."

"A positive parent.. A positive parent said to their negative child... Your grounded."

"Long visits to nature linked to improved mental health, study finds. According to new research by Australian and UK environmental scientists. Who obviously didn't poll women on Tinder."

"I once submitted 10 puns to a contest to see which one would win. Unfortunately, no-pun-in-ten-did."

"What do you call a boy with no arms and an eye patch? Names! -Bo Burnham"