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Joke of the Day

"Meeting new people and trying my best to act all sunglasses emoji."

"Dark Humour - Baby in Blender Q : When you put a baby into a blender, why do you put her in legs first ? A : So that you can see the expression on the face........."

"Home early. Wife : ""Why are u home so early?"" Hubby : ""My boss said go to hell!"""

"I went to the doctor with severe constipation, he laughed as he took my urine sample. I think he's taking the piss but I still couldn't give a shit."

"Let's play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game Whenever your girlfriend goes to the bathroom take a shot"

"I didn't see anyone important today, so I'll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow."

"American Beer is liking having sex in a canoe... It's fucking close to water. Heard this from a Dutch friend of mine and thought I would share."

"Lance Armstrong got emotional during his Oprah interview, but numerous sources are reporting that he used performance enhancing onions."

"A man goes to a Greek tailor... The tailor says, ""Euripides?"" The man says, ""Eumenides."" Credit goes to my University professor who specializes in Greek literature."

"Pizza is like sex. When its good, its reeallly good, but when its bad... It's still pretty damn good."