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Joke of the Day

"Dark Humour - Baby in Blender Q : When you put a baby into a blender, why do you put her in legs first ? A : So that you can see the expression on the face........."

"Grapes.. What did the green grape say to the purple grape?.. BREATHE IDIOT, BREATHE."

"*wakes up early* *goes for morning jog* *calls wife to pick him up because he's made a terrible mistake*"

"My Grandpa said, ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"I got peanut butter on my camera Now every picture is a jif"

"So I told my secretary.... to go buy me a fighting stick, but the best he could find was a walking stick. Honestly you can't get the staff."

"What is it called when Benedict Cumberbatch is constipated? No shit Sherlock."

"I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That shit's totally different."

"[Spider-Man shows up at my house] *I carefully scoop him up on a piece of paper and release him outside my door*"

"My parents are pretty middle aged. ""So? That's pretty norm-"" *two knights bust in* ""CHILD, DOST THOU REQUEST REFRESHMENTS FROM THE TAVERN?"""