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Joke of the Day

"Last night I thought I heard the spring onions singing Bee Gees songs in my fridge. When I opened the door I realised it was just the chives talking."

"A set of jumper cables walks into a pub...... And the barman says, ""You can come in here mate but don't start anything! """

"What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets? The kind that's always shooting his mouth off."

"What do you call the beginning of a porno? Prelude"

"It's like my racist grandpa used to say: ""Good morning."" That unrepentant bigot had many flaws, but cordial salutations wasn't one of them."

"I ceaselessly seek validation from strangers. No joke, but that's why there would be a joke in the first place."

"i don't know why people think women are weak... well hell pots and pans are heavy"

"What do you call a basement full of SJW's? A whine cellar."

"why are clothes so expensive???? i should not have to pay this much to not be naked. people should pay ME to not be naked"

"Playing hide and seek in my office building because they can't fire you if they can't find you."