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Joke of the Day

"""Don't Kid Yourself"" would be the greatest brand name for birth control pills."

"Know why I won't have two pet rocks? 'Cause I ain't raising no pebbles! .. Idk, my brother told me that years ago and I still think it's clever."

"What is the smallest book in history? French War Victories."

"What's E.T short for? He's got little legs"

"Q: How did the artist paint a picture? A: Easel-y."

"Doctor: You are very sick! The patient to the doctor: Can I get a second opinion? The doctor again: Yes, you are very ugly too..."

"How many eskimos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. Obviously."

"Where did the bull carry his stock-market report? In his beef case!"

"I'm giving up sex for Lent.. .. It shouldn't be too hard."

"In recent years the number of UFO sightings has dropped because of the smart phone. Their users never look up."