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Joke of the Day

"First Olympic sailing result just in. GB have taken gold, Australia have taken silver and Somalia have taken the boat"

"What did the alien say when his flying saucer landed in a stud farm? Take me to your breeder !"

"Old tourist joke German tourist arrives at a French airport. Immigration officer asks him: ""Occupation?"" The German replies: ""No, no, just visiting."""

"It's Friday night, you know what that means! I'm going to get loaded and tweet a bunch of stupid shit and then delete it all tomorrow. Yay!"

"They say it's rude to ask a women's age... So what's your weight?"

"I hate barbers more than doctors Because I have to live with the shit that one does."

"What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girls arsehole? You know its wrong but sooner or later your going to lick it."

"How do you get rid of a Reddit admin? Chooter"

"It would be funny if, with everyone freaking out about global warming we ended up dying in a good old 60s throwback nuclear war with Russia."

"[annoyed burglar waking me] you still have a VCR?"