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Joke of the Day

"My wife fell asleep during American Idol, so I got up like a fat ninja and turned hockey on. Then, I whispered to myself ""I run this house"""

"How long does it take to reach the ground from 110 stories up? The rest of your life."

"Why are all early birds Catholics? Protestant birds don't really want a Diet of Worms."

"Ever hear about the lost Vikings? Ask the Seahawks."

"What's a hats favourite thing? Getting head"

"Autocorrect changed ""meeting"" to ""mating"" and now my boss and I aren't meeting with Bob after work."

"Fart Joke Why don't women fart? They don't get an arsehole until they get married!"

"""Young man do you think you can handle a variety of work?"" ""I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."""

"DUDE: first of all ME: oh shit this dude's about to make more than one point"

"Do cats stutter? No, but they paws. Credit: u/magneticman245"