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Joke of the Day

"Do cats stutter? No, but they paws. Credit: u/magneticman245"

"Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off. Pupil: You have my permission !"

"Wife: Why are you so out of breath? You drove here. Me: Yeah but I was listening to Slayer in the car."

"I predict that Obama's next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea."

"Life Hack: In any hipster coffee shop, say ""You haven't seen The Wire?"" and in the ensuing commotion, leave without paying."

"How can you tell that microchips are made in the US and not the UK? Because if they were made in the UK they would be called microcrisps."

"Q: Did you hear about the Swedish guy who found God after rehab? A: He was a bjorn-again Christian."

"At the pharmacist A guy goes to a pharmacist and asks for a dozen condoms. The druggist asked "" Would you like a paper bag?"" The guy shakes his head and says ""Nah, she ain't that ugly."""

"In a meeting. Can I go first? Thanks. Gets up and leaves."

"My wife gets her news from NPR. I get mine from Twitter. Guess which one of us knew about planking first? Suck it, legitimate media."