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Joke of the Day

"You know those orange cones they put on the road for you to knock over? Totally just beat my previous high score."

"Thinking about implanting a magnet in my chin so I can make a badass beard of iron filings and paper clips. More attractive, yes?"

"What's a divorce attorney's favorite dessert? Wedding cake"

"What's the hardest part of breaking up with a leper ? They always leave a piece of themselves behind."

"Why did Xmen's Cyclops go to the doctors? Because he needed laser eye surgery!"

"What's beneath most Canadians? Most Americans"

"What do you call an unsuccessful Jewish pirate? Les Goldman"

"Q: How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it."

"My GF's boobs are pretty odd. I sometimes wish she'd just have 2 of them instead of 3."

"Me and my girlfriend were on a cruise, listening to Bob Marley. She said he was Upboat."