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Joke of the Day

"This lesbian couple I'm friends with couldn't afford the double-headed dildo they wanted. They're really struggling to make ends meet."

"What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing about twenty-eight year olds? There's 20 of them."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? The aristocrats."

"Umami so fat she gets mistaken for lipid"

"I don't like paying for pizza because I hate making my pizza feel like a whore."

"Tom should concentrate less on Myspace and more on his shoe business"

"""Will I ever live in a clean house again?"" *shakes magic 8 ball *magic 8 ball explodes and makes a mess"

"If I've offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn't think you could read."

"Couple: [hands me camera] Do you mind taking a picture? ""Sure""[click] Couple: How does it look? ""I just got my hair done, so pretty good"""

"How do you greet people at a funeral? Mourning, everybody!"