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Joke of the Day

"I know it's gross, but the only time it's acceptable to shout 'I have diarrhoea' is when playing scrabble. Because it's worth a shit load of points. - Zach Galifianakis."

"I think my wife is dead I mean, the sex is no different, but the dishes keep piling up"

"what do u call a sleeping pizza a piZzza ha ha haha someone date me plss"

"Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a mexican drug lord."

"I lost 100 pounds with this one weird trick! Exercise"

"Flo: Try some of my sponge cake. Joe: It's a bit tough. Flo: That's strange. I only bought the sponge from the chemist this morning."

"A man walks in on his wife, an English professor, having sex with his buddy. Honey! How could you! Well.. I'm surprised! She responds: *I'm* surprised. *you* are *astonished*."

"Looking for some tasteless Gabrielle Giffords jokes"

"How do you tell an Italian has a flat tire? Diego wop wop wop ."

"The limerick writers on Twitter Can be justifiably bitter The limited length Is weakness, not strength And throws our last lines down the sh"