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Joke of the Day

"A man walks in on his wife, an English professor, having sex with his buddy. Honey! How could you! Well.. I'm surprised! She responds: *I'm* surprised. *you* are *astonished*."

"To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce"

"*wife sees me grab emergency kit from trunk after getting a flat tire* calm down brent just call a tow tru*I'm already shooting flare gun*"

"Another ""Iron Man"" Joke Iron Man is a superhero. Iron Woman is a command."

"Before cell phones and texting, I used to get pulled over a lot for playing solitaire with a physical deck of cards while I was driving"

"elmo jokw What does every Elmo receive before they leave the factory? Two test tickles!"

"Before having sex with a girl, you should always (ALWAYS) ask..."

"Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ? Pupil: Yes the cow ate all the grass !"

"I had a joke about the Jonestown massacre...... But the punch line was too long."

"If you're ever attacked by a mob of angry Vegans... ...don't worry about it. They're too weak to hurt you."