148778

Joke of the Day

"She was like ""wrong hole"", so I said ""adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn't knitting quilts Velma"", long story short I'm still single."

"How much did Adidas spend in advertising at the World Cup this year? At least a brazillion dollars..."

"Why don't you feel the need to wear a seat belt when taking a cab? Because there is a doctor driving."

"What do you get when you put rootbeer in a square glass? Beer."

"Hey, girl at the gym that keeps moving to the opposite corner every time I get on the machine next to you, yes, I feel the chemistry too."

"What do you call a bike in NYC that has been standing out in the sun for hours? Tire-less"

"Why doesn't Sean Connery have any grown up children? He prefers them shaken, not stirred."

"*Speed Dating* Him: Do you have any hobbies? Me: *tying my hair in a big knot under my chin so I look like I have a beard* ""TAAA-DAAA!"""

"Dicks and vaginas are kind of like Coke and Pepsi I strongly prefer one, but my dad thinks they taste the same"

"Hiring manager: what would you say are your greatest weaknesses? Me: probably men with hairy knuckles. Oh, and a moist pot roast."