14871

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the policeman who arrested the two boys, one who had a battery in possession and the other a firework? He charged one and let the other off."

"Unless you're planning to lay there shirtless in an open casket, there really is no point to killing yourself with diet and exercise."

"What does Pluto have up on Palestine? At least Pluto exists"

"Grilled cheese is just regular cheese that's been forced to account for its whereabouts last night between 9:30 and 11."

"STOP ANIMAL TESTING...they don't know the answers."

"*sees a woman struggling with a big suitcase up the stairs* Me: Need help with that? Her: Yeah! Me: *gives her a hug* You got this, girl."

"My girlfriend told me she is sick of me quoting movies all the time I said quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn"

"Folks call me a stillborn egg Cause' I'm never getting laid!"

"We have much to learn about the fabric of space-time. But we know you can't make a decent sweater out of it. Too scratchy."

"I saw a clown doing sit-ups. Funny how things work out."