148602

Joke of the Day

"I tried driving today without texting, eating or getting high but it was so boring I fell asleep at the wheel. Thanks, Oprah."

"Sorry I called animal control about your children but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick."

"I saw an expensive prostitute She gave me lobsters."

"Everybody at this intervention is telling me I have a drug problem but I'm not the one with a melting eagle face & gyrating serpent arms."

"I see you've chosen to express your midlife crisis with cologne."

"Why won't pigs take up jogging? They don't like to get that far from the table."

"What do Bernie Sanders and the Statue of Liberty have in common? Common people sent both of them pennies to help build a foundation for liberty."

"I put a picture of my friend with MS on my computer. It quit running"

"Mad bunny What is the difference between an angry rabbit and a counterfeit dollar bill? One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny."

"We're hosting a charity event for the people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can't come, do let me know."