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Joke of the Day
"Justice Scalia Dead Following 30-Year Battle With Social Progress Onion EDIT: removed hyperlink"
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"""Don't even talk to me until I've Instagrammed my coffee."" - Portland, Oregon"
"I'd like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something."
"What's the biggest Jewish conundrum? Free Bacon!"
"It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, ""I love you"" and they're like, ""thank you for choosing Domino's."""
"LPT: To baby-proof your home: put your front doorknob like 4 feet off the ground so the babies can't reach it. Then those fuckers won't get in!"
"Why aren't any atheists buying a PS4 Pro? They don't believe in higher power."
"What is a geometry teachers favorite movie? Angles in the Outfield"
"Me: ""Words can't describe how perfect you are."" Her: ""Aww thank you!""... Me: ""But numbers can! 3/10"""
"What's the difference between Heath Ledger and Heath Ledger jokes? Heath Ledger jokes can get old...."