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Joke of the Day
"What did the parrot say on Independence Day? Polly wants a firecracker!"
Next Joke
"What goes around the world yet stays in the corner? Stamp"
"Sunglasses were invented so you can stare at me while you're with your girlfriend."
"We use a very accurate term to describe our government. Politics, poly meaning many, and ticks meaning bloodsucking creatures."
"High school kids, these awful years are going to end up being the best years of your life. That's how much everything else sucks."
"I must be baked Two muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin looked at the other muffin and said, ""Hey man, is it getting hot in here?"" And the other muffin said, ""Ahhhhh! You can talk!"""
"The only time my wife will ever scream ""DEEPER, DEEPER"" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground"
"I ordered a red ottoman online yesterday and now all my self-aware sidebar ads are a never-ending David Lynch fever dream of red ottomans."
"Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To meet the chick."
"I set my Tinder location to Flint, Michigan. Those girls are probably hella thirsty..."