201491

Joke of the Day

"""I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby."" Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned ""Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."""

"I thought I Kuwait but then I Saudi Turkey and my Bahrain was like Oman I Israel Hungary so Iran."

"*Tips fedora at a mosquito* ""M'laria'"

"A friend from New Zealand asked me to put a wedge of lime in his cocktail. He took a sip and said ""Thank you, I couldn't have made it bitter myself!"""

"Just went to the dentist. He's a pretty average, normal guy so I assume he'd be one of the four out of five."

"Odd how all the intelligent life finding instruments' are pointed away from earth."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't gonna come."

"How come there are no Jared Fogle jokes on reddit? No I mean it im just asking,"

"How to fall down the stairs * Step 1: * Step 2: * Step 4: * Step 17: * Step 35: And you're done!"

"I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value. Beach better have my money"