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Joke of the Day

"Me: My stomach hurts. WebMD: You're a kid, trying to get out of something."

"What do you call it when a person falls ill from watching too many BBC period dramas? Downton Syndrome"

"I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, ""My money's on the one with the knife."" You should have seen how fast they both ran off."

"Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer is my favorite song about how to incorrectly deal with the loss of a loved one during the holiday"

"Apparently asking the boss "" who ignited the fuse on your tampon?"" will get you sent to HR."

"I'm not saying that girl's a slut... But she has touched more wieners than Heinz ketchup."

"I'd consider myself an artistic fetishist I go hard in the paint."

"What do you say to Floyd Mayweather after his arms have been cut off? Whatever you like."

"Never play hide-and-seek with a 4yo in the mall. I know that now."

"What the the electrician say to his buddy? Watts up?!"