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Joke of the Day
"I was wrestling with an Anaconda for 3 days... And then I realised I was masturbating"
Next Joke
"A Russian bomber was intercepted 20 miles from Los Angeles at 5:17am this morning, but no one wants to talk about it 'cause I made it up."
"What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws ? Outlaws are wanted"
"If you have sex on a boat... ...is that off-shore drilling?"
"[screaming over sirens] I SAID ACTUALLY YOU'RE NOT ""FIGHTING"" THE FIRE YOU'RE WATERING IT"
"I just saw Ex Machina... I thought it was supposed to be about AI, and not just about women."
"I love when I'm walking closely behind a girl and she starts to speed walk away. It's like she knew I wanted to race all along."
"Life is like a box of chocolates. I'm allergic to everything in it."
"I read that if you have 2 hangovers a year you are an alcoholic so I'm around 104 alcoholics"
"What do you get when a short bus gets in a wreck? Mashed potatoes."