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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? One's heavy and the other is a little lighter..."

"Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon? Food is great but the atmosphere is terrible!"

"Was on a date with this girl and she asked me if I would tell her my Reddit username, so I did. My face still hurts."

"10:00pm *gets a snack* 10:01pm *turns on tv* 10:02pm *glances at twitter for 8 seconds* February"

"[speed dating] Anyway, do you have a baby hedgehog? ""No."" *I take a deep breath and roll my eyes* [timer beeps]"

"What's stronger, fifty watts of sound or fifty watts of light? I don't care but would you please stop screaming, turning the lights on and off."

"The way I bend the rules should qualify as yoga."

"A nurse puts her hand in her pocket and finds a rectal thermometer... ""Oh no! Some ass hole has my pen"""

"I am going to the Antique Roadshow. Gonna slap my tampon on the table and ask them what period it's from."

"I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly ""you are NOT the father"""