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Joke of the Day

"It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. She never says anything, but I know it hurts that she gets less gifts because of how close Christmas is."

"In space, nobody can hear you scream for ice cream. So remember, before trips to colonize the galaxy bring your Ben & Jerrys."

"Did you know drinking beer makes you smart? It made Bud wiser."

"Son: am I adopted? Me: not yet, but we're hopeful."

"I was at an airport recently and there was a aircraft that was pure white. Looked pretty plane to me."

"What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the Yukon? Sow-r dough bread."

"Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled.I laughed at the irony.Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it."

"The color black is out drinking with his friends. Black says to the bartender, ""Hey, something isn't right. Where is all the color white?"" Bartender says, ""dude, this is a gray bar."

"Why did Bruce Jenner crash his car? Because she's a woman."

"I used to get sharp pains in my eye when I drank coffee... My doctor said, take the spoon out of the mug"