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Joke of the Day

"It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. She never says anything, but I know it hurts that she gets less gifts because of how close Christmas is."

"I like my beer, like I like my violence Domestic"

"What do fat chicks do in the summer? Stink."

"*walks into Best Buy* *points to CDs* ""May I have 4 sound bagels please"""

"Cop: Lets go, boys, no meth in this house. *zoom to fish tank* Fish 1: *nods* Fish 2: [taps on pirate ship] Resume cooking, Lenny. *bubbles*"

"I told my physics teacher I had a problem with gravity. But he told me to drop it."

"I shaved my legs and now my socks keep falling down. Life is hard."

"A smart woman knows when to give up and walk away A southern woman has a shotgun and a shovel named give up and walk away"

"What do you call an elderly burglar's vagina? A Crook Granny's Nooky Cranny!"

"Anybody Home? Yes, I am alone come in (house wife) Husband: WTF! (who came early from the office)"