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Joke of the Day

"What happens when two self-driving cars crash into each other? *RECALCULATING....*"

"needs to stop keeping the cocaine next to the coffee creamer. I screwed up again. drinking a cup now and it has that weird milky taste."

"Few women admit their age; few men act it."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently more than 5, because my basement is still dark."

"Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong sock."

"What did Peyton Manning do yesterday? ...played footbal but lost and made ppl sad as fuck. joke's on the ppl cus their sad as fuck and i dont care"

"Be sure to take the time to honor a soldier today by punching a politician in the face."

"Q: What's green and has wheels? A: Grass. I was just kidding about the wheels."

"The initials of the Sri Lankan players read like DOS commands. MKDIR, CHKDSK."

"I just saw some pictures of Ray Rice's wife for the first time... she's a real knock out."