148177

Joke of the Day

"Doctor: It's been weeks since we restored your vision. Thoughts? ""I can't believe that British guy from the Geico commercials is a lizard."""

"What kind of tree grows in your hand? A palm tree."

"When asian people go on a merry go round... do they become disoriented?"

"Biology: The science of writing awesome bios."

"What do women and Spotify ads have in common? They're both annoying and want your money."

"Russia announces it will be celebrating Thanksgiving this year And yes, they will be roasting Turkey."

"Me: Alexa, when will computers become self-aware? Alexa: When will YOU become self-aware? M: *gazing out a window, crying* good one, Alexa"

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile yesterday... ...so I said, ""That's a big word for a seven-year-old"""

"just Facebook stalked the sister of the new boyfriend of the last girl who dated my ex. I'm just as confused as you are"

"What does a short sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? They both have wet noses"