20136

Joke of the Day

"just Facebook stalked the sister of the new boyfriend of the last girl who dated my ex. I'm just as confused as you are"

"Why do Native Americans hate snow? 'cause it's white and all over their fucking land!"

"If you have a tattoo on your head, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at."

"What do Ted Cruz and Donald Trump's dad have in common? They both waited too long to pull out."

"There's this guy at work who's giving his wife a gym membership & a vegetable juicer for her birthday tomorrow. His name was Tom."

"Q: What do pelicans eat? A: Anything that fits the bill."

"*im applying Chapstick and doing curtseys in the mirror* *dad walks past* *dad double takes* *im doing push-ups and drinkin a protein snake*"

"My arms sometimes get tired during sex and I drop my phone on my face."

"I wish I had an old Asian man for a pet. That way I could name it ""Old Yeller"""

"I chose to be gay because women are such assholes to me. Fuck em"