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Joke of the Day

"the only time its ok to call a black guy a nigga is when he shoots you ""dis nigga shot me!"""

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man? None!"

"Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses around."

"If a villain really wanted to kill James Bond, he should just inject HIV into one of his attractive cohorts and then wait."

"I do 8 sit-ups every mornin'. Might not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button. Merica."

"How do you call people that are always squinting at you? Asians"

".@Schwarzenegger I just wanted to let you know that every single article I've ever read about you spells ""Australia"" wrong. G'day mate!"

"I was verbally abused as a child. The bigger verbs at school would kick my ass. ""Stop conjugating yourself!"" they'd say mockingly."

"A Mexican plays uno, And steals all the green cards.."

"ME: ""Trick or bear?"" NEIGHBOR: ""Bear?"" ME: ""HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!"" [distant roar and sounds of clanking chains]"