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Joke of the Day

"Wake Me Up Before You YOLO. #RuinAn80sSong"

"My mate just rang me in tears... His wife has left him, taken his prized Bob marley collection and the Satellite dish. Poor Bastard.. No woman, no sky..."

"I went to the library today to get a book about conspiracies. There were none there. Coincidence?"

"Did you know... Jesus created cross-fit. I guess you could say I really nailed that one."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I don't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Baby, you've bought yourself a cruise on the Love Boat. I'll be your captain."

"if aliens show up and they're nice, we'll take them captive. and if they're mean, they'll take us captive. anyway, happy thanksgiving."

"I bought myself a snail to race other snails.. I took its shell off to see if it would go any faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish"

"What is it called when weather in Central America breaks the news? A topical climate."

"Did you hear Harriet Tubman will be on the $20? Does this mean it'll be worth 70% of its value because she's a woman? Or does it mean it'll be worth 3/5th because she's black?"