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Joke of the Day

"I married Mrs. Right... I just didn't know her first name was Always"

"What is the difference between a feminist and a cat? One of them is annoying, dangerous, hairy, lazy, disgusting and filthy and the other one is just a feminist"

"Dude, why did you buy Grand Theft Auto 5? I mean, honestly, you live in Detroit. You could've just gone outside and saved yourself $50."

"TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday... and my mom gives awful birthday gifts."

"DOCTOR: [holding $5 bill] what's this for? ME: it's a tip DOCTOR: okay but you're still dying ME: [hands him another $5 bill]"

"What's the difference between a cloths hanger and a flight of stairs? The cloths hanger only solves one problem."

"A reddit admin awoke to the sound of a beeping alarm clock but pressed the snoo's button and went back to sleep"

"What is the biggest joke? Reddit."

"It would have been really ironic if Andy Dick's parents had named him Hugh."

"I only drink a little, but when I do, I turn into another person... ...and that person drinks a lot."