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Joke of the Day
"I married Mrs. Right... I just didn't know her first name was Always"
Next Joke
"When you send food back to the kitchen, you're basically saying, ""Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."""
"@JustCallMeMike_: Make allergy season more exciting by snorting confetti so that every time you sneeze... it's like a little party on your face."
"Comcast's Customer Service ba dum tsss"
"I went out for a pelican curry last night.... It was really nice, but the bill was enormous!"
"[PICKLE] Our first chance to help our new ally! http://www.reddit.com/r/pickle/comments/1a2xg8/next_attack_for_our_entire_army_march_12th_at_520/"
"My neighbour knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 am. 2:30! Luckily I was still up playing my drums."
"Did you hear? Lorainna Bobbitt dies in a car accident! She was merging into traffic, and some dick cut her off."
"Asked someone today if they knew any good antonyms for yes They didn't know any"
"Two boll weevils grew up together. One became rich and famous. They other became poor and homeless. The second one is the lesser of two weevils."