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Joke of the Day

"I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea."

"Told my dog I was feeding him only natural, holistic food. Not sure he could hear me over slurping of water from toilet."

"What did the Native American say when he killed his son on a hunting trip? Bison"

"If someone feeds you alphabet soup... Is that putting words in your mouth? Also, if they are about to feed you and pull back, is that taking the words out of your mouth?"

"Why do chemists go to the gym so much? Before they titrate, they need to get buffer!"

"Mama Pig has a great new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It's called a garbage compactor."

"A cheetah and a lion are racing in Africa After the cheetah easily wins, the lion complains: ""Man, you're a cheetah"" and the cheetah says: ""Naw man you're a lion""."

"Yo moma is so... good looking, what happened you? edit: premature ejokulation"

"What do you get when you cross Jesus and a couple of criminals? A good Friday"

"6: Mommy where are you putting your cameltoe this year? Me: 6: I like it Me: It's mistletoe son"