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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the newly-released Michael Jackson autobiography? It's called ""The Ins and Outs of Child Rearing."""

"Pizza will never tell you you're fat unless you're high as shit, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight."

"Did you hear about those new anti-gravity cars? They really drive me up a wall!"

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... Ba dum tiss"

"What did grandma say to grandpa while in bed? Keep it up!"

"I bet Lance Armstrong is smugly saying ""at least I didn't kill anybody"" to like every person he sees today."

"My necrophiliac girlfriend told me I was dead to her. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers... but I Kant."

"A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender ""A pint of beer please."" The bartender says ""Wow that's amazing! You should join the circus!"" The dog then replies ""Why? Do they need electricians?"""

"I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme."