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Joke of the Day

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything"

"Why do people go into technical jobs? Because they suck at communicating so hard, they'd rather fuck a computer"

"Of all the stupid things the church makes people believe, leading everyone to believe they can and should sing is the absolute worst."

"Tan or get your teeth whitened. But only one of those."

"Bought a 2nd cell phone to leave on the coffee table as a decoy when I go tweet in the bathroom."

"I like a lot of different kinds of breakfast, but I only eat one at a time. I'm a cereal monogamist."

"God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery. The answer is no."

"What did the vinaigrette say to the refrigerator? Close the door! I'm dressing!"

"You shouldn't personify inanimate objects. They hate it when you do that."

"Can you think of something more ironic than being a gay chiropractor? Choosing a career in which your job is to make people straight again."