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Joke of the Day

"Of all the stupid things the church makes people believe, leading everyone to believe they can and should sing is the absolute worst."

"I was really angry when my wife tried to sue me for impotence But luckily they couldn't make it stand up in court"

"How can you tell the sex of an ant? Throw it into a pool. If it sinks, it is a girl ant. If it floats, then it is a ""BUOYANT""."

"Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm? A: E-I-E-I-O."

"There's a spider on my calculator. Must be an arachnerd."

"I have the Anne Hathaway ""It came true!"" reaction whenever the guy at Subway hands me my sandwich."

"How do whales type e-mails? With their fish fingers."

"Judge: Order in the court [from the back] Me: Can I get a large pepperoni pizza with... [puts hand over speaker and looks around] what?"

"Isn't swallowing semen technically canibalism? I don't know, I just do it for the taste..."

"I guess you could say One Direction went two directions. I'll see myself out."