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Joke of the Day

"Why do cowgirls walk bow-legged? Because cowboys always eat with their hats on."

"How do you silence a group of women? Bring out your camera."

"If laziness was an Olympic sport... I would be fourth so I wouldn't have to step up on the podium. Edit: too lazy for dictionaries, thanks /u/ReddSpy"

"That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitchhiking serial killer... Killer: ""Turn down that dark road down there."" Rapist: ""I was planning on it..."""

"Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun."

"Two cows are standing on a hill.... One turns to the other and says ""Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"" The other replies, ""Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"""

"[watches you eat my bday cake] ""I've poisoned that."" ""Haha very [clasps chest & begins panting] w-with what?"" [leans in & winks] ""Poison."""

"I don't watch basketball... If I wanted to see a load of black guys scoring every minute, I'd go to your mother's house."

"A man is suing a hardware for selling him a bucket with holes in it. Personally, I don't think his argument holds water."

"Why did the man invest in the kilovolt battery? He thought it had a lot of potential."