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Joke of the Day

"Why did the pervert like to watch girls in their entrance hallways? He was a foyer."

"SURPRISE! I scream, bursting from the vat of mashed potatoes. The other lunch ladies do not look surprised They do not look surprised at all"

"Sorry I called you ""sexy"" and didn't really mean it, but I was hungry and you were a mirage of pizza."

"I couldn't sleep because my fan was making loud noises. Yeah,it's a huge metal fan !"

"They say to have reasonable expectations when dating, and to look in a mirror to see what you can get. 2/10 looking for a 10/2, please pst"

"If we were in a fight, I'd mop the floor with you... Except I don't do housework."

"Doctor and Lady Doctor: You are looking so weak and exhausted! Are you properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised? Lady: Oh my god! I heard 3 ""males"" a day."

"Why isn't diving an event in the Special Olympics? It's a pain in the ass to retrieve the wheelchairs."

"CW: What did you do on the weekend? ME: I baked CW: Nice. What did you bake? ME: Me"

"I slept like a baby last night. I pooped my pants and cried myself to sleep."