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Joke of the Day

"Why isn't diving an event in the Special Olympics? It's a pain in the ass to retrieve the wheelchairs."

"I opened the window... And influenza."

"What's gray and comes in quarts? Elephants."

"Nowadays, most of the children dream about an IPhone, when I was a child I wanted a dog."

"I'm scared of lifts Guess I have to take steps to avoid them"

"What do you call a retarded Flo Rida? Slo Rida"

"Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market. Oh the irony."

"Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What."

"I guess you could say One Direction went two directions. I'll see myself out."

"They say never go food shopping when you're hungry but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier."