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Joke of the Day

"What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit's finger."

"I asked my wife.. ""what would you do if I won the lottery?"" She replied, "" I would take half and leave you."" I said, ""good I won $12. Here's $6, now fuck off."""

"How my 7 year old plays board games: Rolls a 6. Counts to 6. Moves his piece wherever he wants."

"Confidence? Oh yeah I've heard of that. It comes in a bottle and you have to be 21 to buy it."

"Why did Satan need life alert? Because he had fallen, and could not get back up."

"I tried running once. But I kept spilling my beer."

"Donald Trump discovers porn I bet Donald Trump was pretty disappointed when he typed ""BBW"" in the Pornhub search bar, and videos of Big Beautiful Walls didn't pop up..."

"If you watch the way that many motorists drive you will soon reach the conclusion that the most dangerous part of a car is the nut behind the wheel."

"Wife: ""I think I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"" Husband: ""You have perfect eyesight."""

"Did you know diarrhoea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans."