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Joke of the Day

"And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.. .. but John came fifth and won a toaster"

"""Should the cabin lose pressure oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children."""

"My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!"

"Well, it's Inauguration Day in America.... It's gonna be a great mourning."

"How do you brainwash a liberal? Give him an enema"

"Men are like buses, they won't text me back."

"Dial-up internet called. They couldnt get through."

"I'm not racist... Its true! I'm not racist at all! Infact, my best friend was black! Until my Dad sold him."

"He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey. A time traveler walks into a bar."

"Apparently I snore so loudly that I scare everyone in the car I'm driving."