147355

Joke of the Day

"And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.. .. but John came fifth and won a toaster"

"Only three things are infinite The universe, human stupidity, and the winrar trial period."

"I think I will take my next drivers license picture drunk so I can say pshaw! I always look like that."

"Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking? Because it's on the house."

"Dear toilet paper makers, We've all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the middle softer. Sincerely, Our asses."

"What did one beef patty say to the other beef patty? Will you be my grill friend?"

"What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub? The landlord said ""Sorry we don't serve spirits."""

"What happens when a dick meets a hardass? Well... Fuck."

"When I was born god asked me if I wanted a good memory or a huge wiener. I can't remember what I picked..."

"So I have half a joke about a guy, Who is really shook up about his Parkinson's diagnosis... But I just cant quite put my finger on the punchline."