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Joke of the Day

"He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey. A time traveler walks into a bar."

"You need to understand latin and german to understand this one Ovum ovum, quid lacus ego."

"Cell phones make it easy to communicate with everybody except the people you're currently with."

"I think the reason old people sleep in separate bedrooms is so they don't have to wake up next to someone dead."

"I was talking to a radical feminist the other day. Haha no, could you imagine?"

"*Girl comes out in a slinky dress* ME: Ooh that looks like fun *I push her down the stairs*"

"Ugh. New Year's Eve is just around the corner and I STILL haven't picked out which gang sign I'm going to hold up in photos"

"Man at the bar... ""...Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy! Woman responds: ""No, I'm Finnish. Finnished with this conversation!"""""

"The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!"

"My husband just had a heart attack during climax He was nearly there - but then he was nearly gone."