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Joke of the Day

"It just seems crazy that the final apocalypse could be started by a guy who says ""You're fired"" every time he launches a nuke."

"Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once."

"I was mugged today... I was mugged in an alley today, all they took was my mood ring. I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"Her; My phones dead let me use yours Me; (throws phone out car window) oh I must of left it at home"

"I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves."

"A guy walks into a bar with a bit of asphalt. He walks up to the bar tender and says 'I'll have a beer and one for the road'."

"What happen after JFK's assassination? A funeral."

"What's beef jerky? Dried parts of a cow that had Parkinson's."

"Pressing A too fast and having to talk to the Pokemon Center's nurse again was by far the worst part of my childhood."

"What's the scariest thing a blind person can read in Braille? ""Danger: Do not touch"""