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Joke of the Day

"I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid."

"What are the 2 sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken, brown cow."

"Now that I'm playing Pokemon Go I don't need a girlfriend anymore... The servers go down on me all the time."

"I just applied for my medical marijuana certificate. Reason: Joint pain."

"When a group of mercenary electric powered robot horsemen attack... ...is it a charge charge charge?"

"Where can you find lubricant in the library? In the non-friction section."

"You guys need to leave pedophiles alone! They're just kidding around."

"I just want to have enough followers so that my children can tweet comfortably for the rest of their lives."

"What do you call an arrogant convict coming down the stairs? A condescending con, descending."

"[NYE] ME: *wearing 2017 glasses* OPTOMETRIST: *rubbing his temples* Stephanie your eyesight may be bad but you really only need one pair"