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Joke of the Day

"[NYE] ME: *wearing 2017 glasses* OPTOMETRIST: *rubbing his temples* Stephanie your eyesight may be bad but you really only need one pair"

"Recently started working with homosexuals, I'm having a hard time dealing with the sticky mess. But they insist I style my hair using gel to appear more professional."

"Dear Monday: I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel."

"My brother tried killing himself by running his car in his closed garage. He drives a Tesla."

"What can you sit on, brush your teeth with, and eat soup with? A chair, a toothbrush, and a spoon."

"If you can read this please let me know because it means I blocked the wrong person."

"What do you call a Mexican that loses a car? Carlos."

"When your partner cheats on you, do what every respectable person does. Post their name and phone number on 4Chan."

"*CLOP CLOP CLOP* **BANG BANG** *CLOP CLOP CLOP*. And a man died Those damn Amish pulled a drive-by"

"one time I stuck my hand in a jar of jelly beans and when I took it out all the black one stole my rings and watch"