14710

Joke of the Day

"My coworker has inspirational quotes up in her cubicle and one of them says ""choose your destiny"" so I guess she plays Mortal Kombat too."

"When someone loves you a lot they will buy you a burrito even when you're not hungry so you can get fat and no one else will love you."

"[Voice from police helicopter] PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! *raises hands* *takes flattering selfie in helicopter spotlight* *uploads new avi*"

"Why is the media making such a big deal about the olympic swimmer's period? It's a perfectly normal female body function that, according to my wife, occurs 2-3 times per month."

"Microsoft should try making an optimistic and articulate robot that adjusts its responses based on interactions with the public. They could call it Marco Rubio."

"How do you make a baby cry twice? Rub the blood off your dick on his teddy bear"

"Stuff I think about... I've often wondered what would happen if a Schizophrenic took a multi-vitamin. I have many more of these posers I may or may not post...."

"Last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day you gave it away! Well grandma, that's how organ donation works."

"What famous hotel chain do muslims prefer when travelling on religious holidays? Ramadamadan."

"Did you hear about the new chemical that turns lesbians straight? Trycoxide is showing staggering results!"